A lot of bits and pieces of the past swiftly crowded my mind until I felt like I was falling apart.. by that time, I couldn’t even remember who Freddy was.. the very person for whom I nearly killed Pryade.. and those words of Alore.. “You are still a Vino” .. then the unexplained severe animosity of Wyee.. and.. oh and all the discussion with Dusky.. Why? Why would I help Dusky? And Mark? Even though I knew what they did to destroy the CCP..

Then the whirlwind of my mind took me into another direction.. what will happen if I accept Deemeon’s offer.. live forever? How do I know that this too.. is not a lie? Shall I be able to do these same things I did before? If I see Alore then, shall I spare him or try to kill him? Instine seemed normal enough.. what is that he said?.. “this will be explained to you later when you join us”..  “You have to want it”.. what is he not telling me?

I was in tatters.. and I knew I couldn’t go on like that.. they wanted a soldier, disciplined and strong to do the job, and pretty soon they shall find me a useless, confused half Vino whose conversion failed and they shall dispose of me.. I had to pull out of this conundrum.. and sure enough, they must be watching me after my last conversation with Instine..

I got up early in the morning, and without thinking.. I took the first horse I found and headed to the mountain.. I must somehow reach the forest.. only there could I clear my mind and think rationally and make a final decision..

It took a long time to reach the top.. heavy dark clouds were covering the sky and turning the morning gray.. the horse was already weary.. as well as I.. and I realized the gravity of the problem.. I could no longer push it to run.. so, I dismounted and walked for a while.. then after some rest, I mounted again and went trotting slowly to cover some distance.. by late afternoon, I approached the canyon.. I dismounted.. and just looked at the huge distance to the other side.. it was inconceivable for this horse to jump over it.. I became completely disheartened.. I sat down on a boulder so mad at myself, and at everything and everyone.. now, I arrived at a point where I could not go ahead.. and I could not go back.. the horse was already too tired.. and I.. I was too exhausted.. too spent, and too angry.. just wanted to scream.. anger intensifies your weariness.. almost paralyzes your mental capacities..

The stifling heat of the day gradually turned into a chilling night.. in my disillusioned state of mind, I could find no materials to light a fire.. so, I huddled down next to the horse, as both of us were having the chills.. I could feel the twitching of its muscles next to mine.. and then the rain began.. it started like a drizzle.. and ended up in torrential sheets of water.. with thunder and lightning.. it went on and on endlessly.. frightened small animals emerged out of nowhere, running crazy in all directions, and some falling over the cliff..  my horse and I, had no place to hide or take cover.. It was a very horrible tempest, with dislodged pieces of stone and shrubbery whirling around like lethal projectiles.. The storm engulfing me on the outside matched the storm consuming me on the inside.. till I eventually fell asleep .. or rather lost consciousness..

When I opened my eyes, it was daylight.. I found myself wrapped in a blanket.. next to a fire that was about to go out.. I tried to move and I felt my body aching badly.. then a hand extended to offer me a hot drink.. I looked up and found Alore smiling at me.. I took the drink and wrapped my shivering cold hands around it..

               “What are you.. doing.. here?” I tried to speak and my words came out sounding unnaturally hoarse.

               “I am making coffee to my dear commander.” He jested.

               “All right.. my dear.. assistant__” I tried to speak again but I coughed very hard for a while..

               “Don’t talk.. drink your coffee and relax.”

He stooped over and wrapped the blanket around me again..

               “What were you thinking? Riding this poor animal to go.. where? To the forest?” he asked.

               “I was not thinking.” I stammered

               “But you wanted to go to the forest?” He asked again.

I looked at him without saying anything.. He was standing at a distance while I was still lying down shivering.. then I said wearily,

               “I don’t remember the canyon being so wide?” I struggled to speak coherently.

               “It is wide.. here.. but we have a road on this plateau.. it leads to the narrow area in the canyon where our horses cross very easily.. it would be highly questionable if your horse would be able to cross even there.”

               “Would you.. show me that place?” I hardly managed to complete the question.

He didn’t answer right away.. so I repeated the question.. he replied,

               “I think you better come with me to the camp.. you are very sick.”

I was about to protest but I couldn’t find the right excuse.. so I stayed mum.. he prodded,

               “Dusky might be there.. and Mark..”

When he found me still unable to decide.. he added,

               “What other choice do you have? Return back to Abysnos?”

               “Abysnos?”

               “Vycee as they call it.. by now you know, you belong in Vinoville.. that was your home town.. Luce and his goons tried to convince you that you are one of them.. but that was a lie.”

I knew by then that he was telling me the truth.. but somehow it was difficult to follow that line of thinking.. when you had an offer to live forever.

               “How did you find me Alore?” I asked

               “We watch all the traffic on the plateau.. they saw you go to the forest last time.. and we saw you come up this time__”

               “Oh.. yet you let me go all the way to the canyon and then suffer the storm all night.. very chivalrous of you.” I mocked.

               “If I interrupted you and told you to go back.. would you have done it?”

               “No.. yet.. well, at least you could have come to help when the storm started?”

               “No.. we had to make sure the camp was safe first.. besides,” he paused for a moment and said with a smile, “Knowing you.. you had to suffer the storm if there was any hope to get you to consider going to the camp.”

Again, I knew he was right.. but I didn’t want to admit it. So I shook my head saying,

               “Listen.. this camp.. it has a lot more soldiers than dusky and Mark.. those soldiers will certainly want nothing to do with me.. better yet, they might want to kill me, if they had the chance.. no..no.. wait.. that is the natural human reaction.. after all I killed many Vino soldiers before and.. all things considered, I wouldn’t blame them.”

               “No one shall touch you or hurt you in any way.. so drop that lame objection and come to see for yourself.”

I hesitated for a while and then I realized, I was so weary and sick, it seemed to be a no brainer,

               “Is it too far from here?”

The Vino camp was quite different from what I was used to see in the Vycee. There was nothing underground, and it was very simply furnished.. most of the rooms were made up of recesses in the rocky walls of the mountain and some tents.. the only building was very modest and housed the infirmary and some other communal rooms.. the stalls of the great spotted horses were placed at the far end, and away from the gated wide entrance.. however, the camp was surrounded by a fence made up of stone topped by wires..

We approached the gate.. with Alore riding slightly ahead of me.. and I was riding my feeble horse.. the gate keeper saw us coming and opened the gate without any words exchanged.. but as I entered, I could hear the murmuring and there was a stir among the people inside..

Alore dismounted, and beckoned me to dismount as well, so I did.. I was still wearing my Vycee dirty uniform as the commander of OC Front. He led me to a particular room which seemed to be an office with a desk and a few simple chairs.. I was to wait there until he would come back.

The door was open and I could hear the voices of the people outside.. the conversation between two of the soldiers close by caught my attention immediately,

               “How dare he come here.. in this filthy uniform. That is so audacious.” The first one said.

               “May be he is going to be charged with some crimes.. he is a criminal.. you know.” His companion replied.

               “Knowing our Major, he may offer him asylum. Who knows?”

               “That would be outrageous.. after all those killings..no way.”

A little commotion started.. and shortly Alore came back with a beaming old man in a simple uniform,

               “Major Minah.. this is our friend Hearts about whom I talked to you.”

               “Welcome home Hearts.. Alore has been talking about you for some time now.. and dusky had great things to say about you.” The major spoke in a strong reassuring voice.

I hesitated for a while, then I found myself speaking wearily,

               “Thank you Major.. you are all kind and I am not accustomed to this .. I mean.. such kind words and .. home? I don’t know .. I heard some say they want to punish me for the murders I committed ___”

               “No.. no.. don’t listen to such gibberish.. some people are too emotional.. but when it comes to reality.. we only know how to deal with our brothers and sisters well,” The major interrupted and continued even when I was trying to speak, “Listen, you should have some rest after the difficult night you suffered and we shall talk about everything when you have regained your strength”

He tapped my shoulder kindly and left the room. Alore sat across from me and smiled saying,

               “There is a room prepared for you.. you can get some rest.. if you like you can change into clean clothes and get something to eat..you can get some sleep.. if you want___”

               “Alore.. I hate to disappoint you.. but people here hate me.. I know what hate looks like and they will not .. wait, no.. let me finish.. there may be more of them than all the haters in Vycee.. I don’t know..”

We both stayed silent for a while.. then I spoke .. more to myself than to him,

               “This is so strange.. all of a sudden, I have become hated on both sides.. what has really happened? Were I living in a bubble? Or in an overwhelming lie for all these years? How did I come to this point?”

               “Stop this babbling, Hearts.. you are back home.. there are always disagreements among members of the same family.. it doesn’t mean they hate each other.. and they can always reconcile their differences.. here.. come let me take you to your room while I prepare some food for you.”

I actually became feverish and spent several days in the camp.. they took care of me until I gradually recovered. When I became well enough to get out of bed.. the Major invited me to go out in the sunshine and have some refreshments,

               “Dusky and Mark saw you a couple of days ago, but they had to return back to their station, they are not members of this camp.. they belong to Vino city station and had to come here because it was the only way to get out of Abysnos safely.. thanks to your help.”

               “Both of them are very clever soldiers.. and very knowledgeable too.” I chuckled, “You have no idea how huge the explosion Mark created in CCP is .. it actually destroyed so much of the work done there.. it pushed them back almost two hundred years.”

               “And thanks to you both of them came back safely.. we appreciate your help far more than you think we do.”

               “That is actually one of the things that still baffle me.. I don’t understand myself.. I was driven to help them while the natural thing would have been to try to destroy them or expose them.”

               “It is in your nature as a Vinovian.. no matter what they did to change that.. they could not change you into the monstrous nature they wanted.”

His words brought me back to the last discussion with Instine.. the monstrous nature offered to make me live forever? I tried to shake it off.. so I said,

               “But .. I was told there were four captives in the CCP.. I know two of them forced one of the doctors working there to take them out.. what happened to these two?”

               “they arrived here almost a week later.. they mixed with the regular refugees for some time until they found a way to get here.”

               “Very resourceful.. eh.. refugees? You mean riffraff?”

He laughed merrily, and answered,

               “We don’t call them riffraff.. we also get a lot of refugees in Vinovia.”

I was astonished,

               “You serious? Where do they come from? Any come from Vycee.. um.. I mean Abysnos?”

               “They come from everywhere.. and we welcome them.. some decide to stay.. and others fail to fit in.. so they move on.” He explained.

               “Fit in?..how?”

               “We never force anybody to live in a certain way or the other.. we have no programming system or forced labor.. but we expect all members of society to be productive and help each other.” He was very blunt, “There is no place for free loaders or lazy people who want to live off others’ hard work.. people who need help, are provide with all the help they need.. but able bodied people should contribute to the well being of the whole community.. and improve their own life in the process.”

               “Sounds logical to me.” I agreed.

Alore came and joined us saying,

               “Do you still want to go to the forest Hearts?”

               “I’d love to.. but__” I couldn’t finish my thought because it meant asking for the horse.

               “If the Major will allow it, I could join you and we can go together tomorrow morning?”

The Major thought about it for a little while then he shook his head approvingly saying,

               “If you feel you are well enough for the journey Hearts, by all means.. you shall need to borrow one of our horses naturally.”

I was surprised.. yet it somehow made me feel so happy.. I automatically responded,

               “I am so grateful for all your help and your extraordinary kindness.”

They both laughed gently and Alore said,

               “Extraordinary? By no means.”

The following morning we started the journey early.. we talked very little during the ride and I saw the area where the canyon was really narrow enough for the horse to cross.. but I also realized that the horse I rode from Vycee would most probably fail to make the jump..

When I saw the tall trees at the far horizon, I felt my heart racing.. I was excited.. it was the kind of feeling I thought I never felt before.. for all the time I lived in the luxuries of Vycee, there was no place that would create that kind of ecstasy for me..

When we arrived at the brook we dismounted and walked leisurely until we reached the lake.. we didn’t talk all that time.. Alore seemed to give me a chance to think and enjoy the trip.. by the time we sat down on the grass near the babbling water, he started to prod me into conversing,

               “So what do you think Hearts? You think you should stay or.. or go back to Luce?”

I didn’t answer right away.. I knew I wouldn’t want to leave this spot where I was.. right there on the grass next to that lake and in that enchanting forest..  I wanted to stay there until I die.. but I also knew.. that was one wish, which was almost impossible to come true..

               “Did you think about it seriously or you just___” He tried again and left the question hanging.

               “I cannot think Alore.. I love this place.. I wish I could live here forever.. but things don’t work this way.. life is not a leisurely walk in the garden.” I looked at him with a smile and I failed to hide my welling eyes, “Even if I try.. nobody will let me.”

I stopped and he didn’t try to push me further.. after a short silence, I continued to speak as if I were talking to myself,

               “Talking to the Major, he explained that each man must carry his own weight, and I have to do my part.. whether I am here, or there.. I have a part to play.. and by its very nature, whatever I do.. on either side, it shall have to be contrary to the interest of the other side.. I cannot be neutral.. so the real question is.. on which side am I? I cannot wish for peace and tranquility ..  the world around me is at war.. can I? war can only end when one side wins and the other side loses?”

We kept quiet for a while.. then Alore spoke,

               “I think you are jumping ahead of yourself.. to really know to which side you go.. you first need to know from which side you are originally.. how did everything start?

I looked at him smiling sadly,

               “You know how each side has a different story__?

               “That is not true.. one side never stopped lying.. and the other side.. the other side only spoke the truth.” He retorted.

               “Sadly sometimes the lies have more sheen and glamour that the truth itself.. and that is what makes everything difficult.. in his book “The Art of Lying” Deemeon writes, you have to mix your clever lie with a morsel of the truth to make it nearly impossible to deny.”

               “so which part of their story do you think to be true?”

I hesitated for a while, then I shakily mumbled,

               “What about the promise to live forever?”

He smiled slowly and stood up walked a little farther and then returned to speak while still standing and looking at the lake,

               “Yes.. that part is true.. but this is not.. the.. whole.. truth.” He turned to look at me with a big smile and then said, “I bet you he told you there are things you shall be told after.. yes.. after you have been given.. that gift.. right?”

I instantly remembered that part of my conversation with Instine,

               “Yeah.. yes.. he said it was not a big deal.”

He thought for a while then he leaned against a short tree and said,

               “Dusky said that when you came up to the cave, you were confronted by a monster.. you only recognized him to be Pryade when he spoke? Right.”

               “Yeah.. yes.. and___”

               “Did he look anything like the person you were fighting with in Primore?”

               “He was always ugly.” I chuckled, “But.. no.. come to think of it.. he looked hideous and.. and more like.. more like a fiend.. a beast.. so, what does that___?

               “That.. my friend.. is how they look in reality.. when they get the.. gift. They actually turn into such monsters.. the real appearance of everyone you saw in Abysnos who has the gift, is completely different from the way they look when they meet you.. you are human, and they appear to look like humans.. I was there.. I was inside that CCP”

A very shocking thought ran through my mind.. the first time I saw Deemeon in his palace.. he kept changing his appearance so magically.. I thought it was to impress me of his power.. but it would also mean that whatever his appearance might be.. it was not real.. it was not the real person he was.. and Instine? And Wyee? And who else..”

Alore saw the gradual change on my face as I failed to hide my shock,

               “You are beginning to understand.. does any of them know that you met Pryade on the top of the mountain?”

               “I don’t think so.”

               “By the way.. we were looking for him for a while because he snatched one or two of our soldiers.. we didn’t know who it was, but we only found out about the cave after you visited it with Dusky.. we actually cleansed that cave successfully.”

               “Cleansed? What do you mean? Did you kill him?”

               “We sent him where he belonged.. to the pit .. the actual place they call TC.”

I smiled wearily and I said,

               “TC? I know there is no such thing___”

               “Yes.. there is no such thing as the TC Luce talks about to threaten his followers.. because the actual place is far more horrible.. it is like a lake.. made of fire.. they cannot get out from that once they are sent to it.”

               “My head is about to explode.. please.. let us stop for a while.. I want to enjoy this time in the forest while I can.” I was getting really tired of this overwhelming crash of everything I thought I knew.

Alore agreed, so I excused myself to be alone for a while and went for a walk by myself, while he decided to swim in the lake.. I looked around and found a narrow pass lined with short trees and flower beds, so I walked there and tried to stop thinking about anything.. yet, every time I pull away from the whirlwind, I get pulled back to its center.. the fascinating scenery, invigorating aroma, and beautiful songs of the birds all around, did little to comfort my exhausted mind.. I felt like I am carrying a smelly and dirty load in the middle of a magical portrait.. like I was contaminating this wonderful scene.. it seemed unfair and unseemly.. I sat down near a bed of flowers and Lo and behold, a few birds landed right next to me.. I didn’t realize that I sat next to small puddle of water, where the birds came for a drink.. one colorful bird dared to jump around and eventually landed on the back of my hand.. it made me feel a little stir.. I kept my palm open so I don’t disturb the little fellow.. but others saw it and followed.. until several birds were actually flying over me, around me and landing on different parts of my body.. it took me a while to realize that .. it actually made me happy.. Happy? No.. is this what it is called? I had nothing to offer the little ones.. but they came and filled the world around me until somehow they erased the whirlwind inside my head.. I didn’t want to move.. I didn’t want this moment to end.. suddenly they all flew away when a squirrel came jumping around to have a drink as well.. I looked at him with a sorry eye.. as if to ask why..

Shortly after, Alore came walking by,

               “I was getting worried about you.. you realize how much time we have been here?”

I looked around and I was surprised.. it was almost evening.

               “I am sorry.. I didn’t feel the time.. they must miss you at the camp.”

               “Why is your face all wet?”

I was startled at his question since I didn’t realize that my face was covered with tears..

               “Oh.. oh no.. these are not .. I don’t know.. maybe some of the birds.. or the squirrels have something to do with this.” I reluctantly got up and said, “Ok, let us go back.. we both should get busy.”